Life Coaching Series
For the new year, plan to promote
your strengths and your assets. “What am I good at? What do I love doing? How can I
make sure I thank myself and continue to shine in what I do?” Resolve
to improve even more what you are good at, what you love doing. Our strengths bring us joy and the energy to improve
our lives. Focus on the good and what you call your failures will
fade away.
It's a New Year. Who am I?
Except for circumstances beyond our control, the choices we make and
the actions we take reflect our real priorities. They reflect the real
ME. If, for example, I habitually arrive late, it is because I am
choosing to do so.
Actions that lead us to arrive late (we have to conclude) are more
important than actions that would get us there on time. Another
example is the whole issue of exercise which is always promised and
rarely delivered.
These examples and their outcomes are not intrinsically bad yet there
are consequences. One is having to listen to (often internal)
voices tell us “stories” about why our choices are poor and why we are
failures. Incessant criticism from such megaphones leads to a
poor sense of self. A low self-image leads to even more problems
and the situation is compounded, always in the wrong direction.
So we yearn to “fix” our problems, to make the voices and the
criticism, go away.
- Whatever we are not doing enough of, let’s resolve to do more of.
- Whatever we are not doing but should be doing, let’s resolve to start doing.
Along comes a new year and with it the opportunity to make New Years
Resolutions. What pops up for consideration is always our
problems because they "need to be fixed." Whatever we are having
trouble with (our weaknesses) - that is the obvious choice for a New
Years Resolution.
- “I promise to always arrive on time.” (It will never happen.)
- “I promise to go to the gym and exercise three times a week.” (I hate exercising.)
Even worse than never having made a resolution is to then break the
resolution. More fodder for guilt. “I am a big failure.”
Focus on your Strengths
Step back a minute and realize that failures are not real. You
can’t walk down the street and see a failure. It’s all made up.
Failures are judgments based on the simple comparison of an event
against a standard. Either you make the mark or you don’t.
While most outcomes lie somewhere within the “fifty shades of gray,”
outcomes that you call a “failure”are actually important only if they
are critical failures. All others, relatively speaking, are
irrelevant.
To make meaningful resolutions, look at your strengths. What do I
like doing? How can I build on what is already a joy in my life?
How do I feel about the actions I take to prepare for attending an event?
- I am feeling joyful. I love what I am
doing. Then thank yourself, go to the event and jump for joy even
if you arrive late.
- I am not happy, and I really dread going to this
event. Again, love yourself. Do not go to the event.
Period. No matter what.
If I take pride in making sure that all critical items on my desk are
complete before I leave for the day (and this causes me to arrive late
to evening activities), promote that strength in your New Years
Resolution but expand upon it as well. Grow and improve your
strength. Find a way to maintain your standards that also gives
you free time. By not “fighting” with your standards, by
supporting them but also finding other new and improved methods for
accomplishing them, you will feel really good about yourself.
Yes, there can be psychological (so-called) reasons for always being
late. Not to worry. Focusing on the positive, celebrating the
good, we will continue to polish our “shine.” What has fallen behind
will suddenly want to catch up, with no yelling, admonishing,
criticizing or retribution required.
- What am I good at? What do I love doing?
- How can I make sure I thank myself
and continue to shine in what I do?
New Years Resolution: "I promise to promote my strengths and what I love doing!!"
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Posted: January 9, 2013
Nancy J Conrad
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